the doing will teach you what you need to know

August 21, 2018 Jacqui

It's the most perfect Cleveland summer day, about 80 degrees with a breeze, the sunlight peeking through green, leafy tree branches as if to steal a glance at us basking in its welcome warmth. It's not too hot; it's just right. The breeze isn't so cold as to require a sweater or blanket but just cool enough to wick the moisture off our freckled, sun-kissed arms.

These aren't difficult realizations––the fact that my body zeroed in on the most temperate, enjoyable weather. I don't have to be convinced to cover up when I'm cold or turn my face upward to catch the warmth of the sun. These are just things I know how to do. You probably do, too.

I've been thinking, because I love to mentally sort out all the things and follow the maze of the golden cord that holds the secrets of the universe, unraveling it from the bigger picture one thread at a time. Something I've concluded lately is that we know a lot more than we give ourselves credit. That translating the heartbeat of our souls is not, in fact, some grand mystery, but it's simply opening our eyes to see what's right in front of us and the things we already know….

9 things I learned this spring

May 30, 2018 Jacqui

I'm linking up with Emily P. Freeman's "What We Learned" series this month, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. Do you set aside time to examine your own life? It's not something I'm naturally good at, but these posts remind me to slow down and pay attention.

Here's what I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. Living with a diabetic is harder than I thought it would be.

Type 1 Diabetes is a disease that never sleeps, but I read the other day that there’s a 1 in 20 chance she could die in hers. I wish I hadn't seen that, but there’s no way to "unknow" it now. It’s been almost a year and a half since her diagnosis, and we’ve been functioning as her pancreas for every single one of those days. On one hand, it’s an incredible blessing to be able to do so, and on the other, it can be exhausting. The past three months it’s been particularly challenging to manage her unpredictable blood sugar levels….

HELP WANTED

May 8, 2018 Jacqui

We were running late....again.

The school has a new attendance policy this year, and we’re already on the naughty list for being late one too many times. Okay, probably twenty too many times, but who’s counting. Well, the school is, obviously, but that’s not the point.

The point is, we were already behind schedule trying to get out the door this morning when a kid somehow flung a cup of soda (leftover on the table from the night before [insert snarky eye-roll emoji here]) all over the kitchen. Like, ALL OVER. Said child took time we didn’t have to “clean it up,” but after he left I stepped in a big puddle of sticky soda on the floor and looked up to find it also amply splattered on the blinds. And puddled in the crevices of the computer monitor. And peppering a once-clean, folded pile of shirts….

Gentle Grace

April 17, 2018 Jacqui

I finished the book of John today (which is not actually today as in this very day but today as in when I started writing this post, which was probably a week ago now. Because I have a finishing problem. And a distraction problem. And a sick kid problem. But I digress….). I’d started reading it well before Easter. Not even the entire book, mind you--just the part at the end leading up to the crucifixion.

I’ve learned over the years to be gentle with myself in some areas, though, and reading Scripture is one of them. The Holy Spirit isn’t tethered to the dusty Bible on my nightstand, but rather, He’s alive in my heart and is with me always, whether or not I succeed in reading the Word daily. I’m not always capable of living life how I think it should be lived under ideal circumstances, but what I am capable of doing is living the actual life that’s right in front of me, for better or worse.

But I’ve gotten caught up in the proverbial blank page of my writing life since the beginning of the year, and I don’t like it....

The Sunshine Blogger Award

February 19, 2018 Jacqui

I was nominated for this award by the lovely Peggi at Real Life by Peggi Tustan, and I decided to participate because it looked like a fun way to encourage other bloggers and build connections! Also, there are few things easier to write about than oneself. So, whether you're new to this space or have been around from the beginning, here's a little about me:

Why did you start blogging? It kind of happened by accident. In 2013 I started a blog simply as a way to corral all my daily photo collages into one place. It was just about the photos at first, but I gradually began to step out of my comfort zone and talk about the things God was teaching me. The more I wrote, the more I realized this was how I processed my thoughts and feelings best. I've always wanted my writing to mean something, to encourage others, and to make a difference. Words are powerful, and naively or otherwise, I wanted to use mine to change the world, or at least how people perceive it.

“I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.”
― Flannery O'Connor

Who is your favorite blogger? Currently? Probably Shannan Martin. In a lot of ways, I feel like she's experienced the same upside-down journey as we have since moving to the city over a decade ago. Her posts resonate with my heart, she's not afraid of asking tough questions, and she inspires me to love well, especially when it's hard.

I'm Jacqui, the mom behind the camera. Wife of one + momma to five. Writer + speaker. Unqualified philosopher + theologian. Accidental mentor. Chaos manager. Lover of coffee + wine, perspective, and Jesus. Truth teller. Freedom fighter. Worth affirmer. Wanna-be author + world changer. Occasional cusser. Laundry piler. Emoji enthusiast. It's nice to meet you!

I hope you'll stay awhile and take a look at life through my lens, as I seek to find joy in the mess and walk with God through the beauty of everyday life.

Get Connected

Partner with Us

Click the icon to find out more about our work with Third Place in Cleveland or to partner with us financially.

Looking for Something?

Instagram

Today is Good Friday, and it arrived exactly how I always picture it—the sky weeping, the earth soaked with tears. This is the inevitable darkness that must come before the morning, the necessary death which precedes resurrection. This heartbreaking pattern of life is something my human heart always struggles to embrace as “the way.” Surely, there has to be another (less painful) avenue toward truth and life? . Selfishly, I want what we all think we want at the end of the day: a life of comfort and ease. We quickly realize, however, that comfort is fleeting and ease is overrated. With each excruciating step up the hill of Calvary, Jesus reminds us again: every good and perfect gift arrives on the other side of death. It is finished, forever and ever. Amen.

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. —Rumi

Oh hay, Spring, haaaaayyyy! 💜🎉

It’s true what they say. There is nothing new under the sun. So maybe, then, when God says, “behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:19 ESV), what He really means is that He’s doing the same old thing He’s always done––making a way where there is no way, loving a desperately unlovable, wandering people, rescuing us one minute at a time, taking kerosine to our weak candles and scorching death for his glory, fighting relentlessly to woo His people back to Himself so we may live whole and free––but He’s using new people. New voices. New experiences. New perspectives. New dollar store bargain candles. We are not writing our own stories as much as we are simply re-writing His.... ✨Resurrected the neglected blog today. ‘‘Tis the season for such things, no? New post—for when you feel your light flickering out—link in profile. ⬆️

While I was at a local writers conference today, this little guy was living his best painting life at #renewthecity! 🥰🎨☀️ He’s going to sleep good tonight! (I hope 🤞🏻😬) 📸: @juliette.massey 😘

Will we ever understand the gospel of grace? The furious love of God? The world of grace in which we live? Jesus Christ is the scandal of God. In gratitude and wonder, we stand on holy ground.

$Exactly two months ago was my first day back to work in over a decade. Actual clock in, clock out, paid twice a month, need to file taxes next year kind of work. Sometimes I think maybe “work” should be in quotations as it’s only six hours/week, but I keep reminding myself it still counts, especially because I spend the time managing 30+ rowdy students in an aftercare program. A couple weeks into the fray, when I was still trying to memorize names without the help of labeled desks and juggling an ever-revolving schedule of after school extracurricular activities in one hand and a vital attendance sheet in another, one of the little boys asked me to close my eyes and hold out my very full hands. In it, he placed this heart with a wide-eyed smile. After thanking him, I himmed and hawed and tried to give it back. More than once. Really, you can keep it. Don’t you want it? I said. But he insisted. I nodded okay with a wink and stuck it in my purse for safe-keeping. He came back around a few more times that day to ask if I still had his heart, peering hesitantly into my purse to see if it was there. Each time I said, “yep!” and pulled it out to show him. Flashing me a scraggle-toothed grin of approval, he’d bound off to play again. His broken, bargain-bin plastic heart still sits in my kitchen today. I can see myself in its likeness—fractured, imperfect, often cheaper than I’d care to admit. But I wonder, isn’t that what we all really want to know at the end of the day—do you still have my heart? And can you see it for the gift it truly is?$

Exactly two months ago was my first day back to work in over a decade. Actual clock in, clock out, paid twice a month, need to file taxes next year kind of work. Sometimes I think maybe “work” should be in quotations as it’s only six hours/week, but I keep reminding myself it still counts, especially because I spend the time managing 30+ rowdy students in an aftercare program. A couple weeks into the fray, when I was still trying to memorize names without the help of labeled desks and juggling an ever-revolving schedule of after school extracurricular activities in one hand and a vital attendance sheet in another, one of the little boys asked me to close my eyes and hold out my very full hands. In it, he placed this heart with a wide-eyed smile. After thanking him, I himmed and hawed and tried to give it back. More than once. Really, you can keep it. Don’t you want it? I said. But he insisted. I nodded okay with a wink and stuck it in my purse for safe-keeping. He came back around a few more times that day to ask if I still had his heart, peering hesitantly into my purse to see if it was there. Each time I said, “yep!” and pulled it out to show him. Flashing me a scraggle-toothed grin of approval, he’d bound off to play again. His broken, bargain-bin plastic heart still sits in my kitchen today. I can see myself in its likeness—fractured, imperfect, often cheaper than I’d care to admit. But I wonder, isn’t that what we all really want to know at the end of the day—do you still have my heart? And can you see it for the gift it truly is?

Soo....I thought April Fools’ Day was tomorrow? 🤔☃️😳 #fakespring

After a series of texts about mission statements and community center layouts and other info from a conference he attended this morning, my husband sent me this photo. No caption. “Ha, I would’ve taken a pic of that. 😂” I quickly responded. He knows this. I’m simply stating the obvious. And it wasn’t until after I’d moved on to the next thing that I realized it—this picture is a love note. Although I’m beginning to appreciate the ministry of a fresh bouquet, I’m far too complicated to be appeased with chocolate or body lotion or probably even jewelry. This has been a wedge in our relationship at times—could I just help a guy out and let him know how to make me happy already?! But pictures of the random, the easily overlooked, and the often passed by? Glimpses of beauty and goodness in the midst of the mundane? This is my language. I will stop dead in the middle of the road, turn around four times if I have to, or run outside without a bra on in my crazy pink house shoes to get the shot. He knows this, too. So today when he looked up, he thought of me. Me in all my weirdness that is still his mystery to figure out. Almost fifteen years later, he’s still trying, and gosh do I love him for it. 🥰💕💌

Paying attention. Feeling all the feelings, even the uncomfortable ones. Inhaling. Trying to replace the overwhelm with joy. The lies with truth. Wonder. Exhaling. Closing my eyes. Opening them again with a prayer to see anew. Calling it good. Believing it matters. All of it. 💙