the doing will teach you what you need to know

August 21, 2018 Jacqui

It's the most perfect Cleveland summer day, about 80 degrees with a breeze, the sunlight peeking through green, leafy tree branches as if to steal a glance at us basking in its welcome warmth. It's not too hot; it's just right. The breeze isn't so cold as to require a sweater or blanket but just cool enough to wick the moisture off our freckled, sun-kissed arms.

These aren't difficult realizations––the fact that my body zeroed in on the most temperate, enjoyable weather. I don't have to be convinced to cover up when I'm cold or turn my face upward to catch the warmth of the sun. These are just things I know how to do. You probably do, too.

I've been thinking, because I love to mentally sort out all the things and follow the maze of the golden cord that holds the secrets of the universe, unraveling it from the bigger picture one thread at a time. Something I've concluded lately is that we know a lot more than we give ourselves credit. That translating the heartbeat of our souls is not, in fact, some grand mystery, but it's simply opening our eyes to see what's right in front of us and the things we already know….

9 things I learned this spring

May 30, 2018 Jacqui

I'm linking up with Emily P. Freeman's "What We Learned" series this month, where we pause to reflect on the past season before we move ahead into the future. Do you set aside time to examine your own life? It's not something I'm naturally good at, but these posts remind me to slow down and pay attention.

Here's what I learned this spring in no particular order:

1. Living with a diabetic is harder than I thought it would be.

Type 1 Diabetes is a disease that never sleeps, but I read the other day that there’s a 1 in 20 chance she could die in hers. I wish I hadn't seen that, but there’s no way to "unknow" it now. It’s been almost a year and a half since her diagnosis, and we’ve been functioning as her pancreas for every single one of those days. On one hand, it’s an incredible blessing to be able to do so, and on the other, it can be exhausting. The past three months it’s been particularly challenging to manage her unpredictable blood sugar levels….

HELP WANTED

May 8, 2018 Jacqui

We were running late....again.

The school has a new attendance policy this year, and we’re already on the naughty list for being late one too many times. Okay, probably twenty too many times, but who’s counting. Well, the school is, obviously, but that’s not the point.

The point is, we were already behind schedule trying to get out the door this morning when a kid somehow flung a cup of soda (leftover on the table from the night before [insert snarky eye-roll emoji here]) all over the kitchen. Like, ALL OVER. Said child took time we didn’t have to “clean it up,” but after he left I stepped in a big puddle of sticky soda on the floor and looked up to find it also amply splattered on the blinds. And puddled in the crevices of the computer monitor. And peppering a once-clean, folded pile of shirts….

Gentle Grace

April 17, 2018 Jacqui

I finished the book of John today (which is not actually today as in this very day but today as in when I started writing this post, which was probably a week ago now. Because I have a finishing problem. And a distraction problem. And a sick kid problem. But I digress….). I’d started reading it well before Easter. Not even the entire book, mind you--just the part at the end leading up to the crucifixion.

I’ve learned over the years to be gentle with myself in some areas, though, and reading Scripture is one of them. The Holy Spirit isn’t tethered to the dusty Bible on my nightstand, but rather, He’s alive in my heart and is with me always, whether or not I succeed in reading the Word daily. I’m not always capable of living life how I think it should be lived under ideal circumstances, but what I am capable of doing is living the actual life that’s right in front of me, for better or worse.

But I’ve gotten caught up in the proverbial blank page of my writing life since the beginning of the year, and I don’t like it....

The Sunshine Blogger Award

February 19, 2018 Jacqui

I was nominated for this award by the lovely Peggi at Real Life by Peggi Tustan, and I decided to participate because it looked like a fun way to encourage other bloggers and build connections! Also, there are few things easier to write about than oneself. So, whether you're new to this space or have been around from the beginning, here's a little about me:

Why did you start blogging? It kind of happened by accident. In 2013 I started a blog simply as a way to corral all my daily photo collages into one place. It was just about the photos at first, but I gradually began to step out of my comfort zone and talk about the things God was teaching me. The more I wrote, the more I realized this was how I processed my thoughts and feelings best. I've always wanted my writing to mean something, to encourage others, and to make a difference. Words are powerful, and naively or otherwise, I wanted to use mine to change the world, or at least how people perceive it.

“I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.”
― Flannery O'Connor

Who is your favorite blogger? Currently? Probably Shannan Martin. In a lot of ways, I feel like she's experienced the same upside-down journey as we have since moving to the city over a decade ago. Her posts resonate with my heart, she's not afraid of asking tough questions, and she inspires me to love well, especially when it's hard.

I'm Jacqui, the mom behind the camera. Wife of one + momma to five. Writer + speaker. Unqualified philosopher + theologian. Accidental mentor. Chaos manager. Lover of coffee + wine, perspective, and Jesus. Truth teller. Freedom fighter. Worth affirmer. Wanna-be author + world changer. Occasional cusser. Laundry piler. Emoji enthusiast. It's nice to meet you!

I hope you'll stay awhile and take a look at life through my lens, as I seek to find joy in the mess and walk with God through the beauty of everyday life.

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All the light you cannot see. #WHPnaturallight

Cookie Day 🍪😬

Yesterday afternoon I tried to drag an utterly exhausted toddler around a museum in lieu of a desperately needed nap. You can imagine how that went. On a rare, free-admission day, we were the unexpected must-see exhibit for droves of people. In their defense, the raging, inconsolable, binky-chucking toddler was hard to miss. The kids and I got separated on few occasions, and upon catching up with me again they said with feigned reassurance, “don’t worry, Mom. We just followed the screaming.” 😒 . But I chose to stay for the bigger kids. I chose to tough it out with the hope he would eventually calm down. I chose to ignore the judgemental stares, or worse, the piercing glares that communicated nothing less than, “are you KILLING that child?” I chose, with the full weight of embarrassment on my shoulders, to be “that mom.” Spoiler alert: after much gnashing of teeth, he finally relented and the rest of our time passed without a hitch, and, dare I say, even joy. . I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this, except I’ve come to realize that the things which bring us to the very end of ourselves are often the things God uses to minister to our weary souls, who are normally masked by the protective cover of sensibility, productivity, and competence. But standing there exposed in all our naked glory, He can finally see us. The real us. And He loves us still.

Field trippin.’ 🚌🦖🦕

Kindergarten published a class book, and I am smitten.... 😍 “Look up! Look down! Math is all around! A rainbow is larger than a unicorn.” 🌈🦄

It’s a perfectly moody day here in Cleveland, the kind where the wind furiously rattles the naked branches outside my window, intent on plucking every last brittle leaf from the trees and carrying them away on the breeze. We drove downtown to get background checks in order to begin serving in our local schools this morning, and all I could think as we crossed the bridge into the city, staring up at the vast expanse of cloudy sky, was how incredibly BEAUTIFUL it was. The entire palette of grey scumbled together, billowing layer upon layer, stippled across the canvas above. Seagulls filled the brisk air, and if I wasn’t the one driving, I would’ve snapped a million pictures. . Speaking of moody, I am my feelings most days, and this is something I struggle with immensely. It often makes me feel like a failure (why can’t I be more steadfast and even-keeled?), it makes it difficult to speak openly about my thoughts on the daily (because who really wants a side of Debbie Downer with their morning coffee? Would you like one lump of coal or two?), and sometimes it makes me want to disappear (if I can’t show up how they expect me to, then I won’t show up at all). And so sometimes, I do. . But what I saw in the sky today is this: “beautiful” and “moody” can coexist. Perhaps moodiness isn’t something that needs to be hidden or something from which the world needs to be protected as with an umbrella. Clear blue skies are beautiful, too, of course, but that doesn’t make grey ones less so. Just different, and equally important in their own right, for if all we had were sunny days, the earth would soon be parched...and so would we.

11:08pm ⏰ Not quite sure what’s going on with my face & the mirror is hella dirty, so this is me saying ✌🏻 out #onedayhh world. It’s been real. Also, my screen time app is screaming at me & I’m pretty sure I’m gonna wake up with a social media hangover. But I suppose there are worse things. 😴

8:49pm ⏰ When you get to start AND end your day with snuggles, it’s a pretty good day. ♥️ #onedayhh 😴

5:16 pm ⏰ Parent/Teacher Conferences for four kids back-to-back for the next hour. Our Thursday night is LIT. 🔥 Also, apparently my kid is obsessed with Pac-Man... 🤷🏼‍♀️ #themoreyouknow #onedayhh

12:21pm ⏰ We were putting our shoes on when I heard my neighbor dragging her garbage cans back behind her house (Thursday is garbage 🗑 day). By the time we got outside, she was gone but had left these for the girls. Neighboring can be as simple as hanging dresses on a fence or leaving groceries on a porch and calling it good. Though no words were exchanged, the message came through loud and clear: . You are seen. . You are valued. . You are loved. #onedayhh #theministryofordinaryplaces