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Meeting God in the mundane + Finding joy and grace in the mess of motherhood, ministry, and urban missions

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the currency of souls /or/ wake up from the dream

October 22, 2017 Jacqui
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I opened my Notes today to write a post about how I'm overwhelmed and dragging with all of this writing, that all my preparations have dried up and I'm feeling the burden of deadline. But what I found instead was this freestyle poem (?) I started a while ago and never finished. So I finished it today. We'll just celebrate that small victory for now and not get too caught up in tomorrow. 

It's about the tension that exists between the girl I used to be and the woman I am now. It's about waking up to real life and not just existing in the haze, but how do you get there? How do you build bridges between two different realities? How do you effectively connect people to people and resources to needs? I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Also, I'm not sure what to title it. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to chat in the comments! 

The Currency of Souls

I used to get angry at the ignorance

Thinking, how could it be that you cannot see 

All of the privilege right here in front of me

Most of the world perceives it, how is it you can't

Inside my head is this ongoing rant

This desperation for the blindness to cease

For people to wake up, their world to increase

Call materialism what it is: Infectious disease

Our lusts and passions we're seeking to please

When all the while the world is crying, dying

Waiting for men to turn from the lying

The wool they pull over their own eyes

To hide the poverty they've grown to despise

It's no surprise

They're trying to find purpose in comfort and things

Pantries full, closets stuffed, pearls, diamond rings

Homes are huge and overflowing

Our bellies, our brains, our hipster churches keep growing 

But how do you connect those minds to the streets,

Compel care about the endless needs to meet?

Connect people who’ve never wanted for anything

With those who only know love as neglecting?

The at-risk youth who’ve never left the city

With kids from the burbs--the other half, sitting pretty?

These are the questions that plague me at night

Because once you’re woke, you can’t unsee the plight

Of those who are broken, enslaved to the enemy

How do you overcome this cultural dichotomy?

Then I remember the soft whispers of the Spirit

On my own journey, refusing to hear it

Beckoning me downward, poured out, and lower, 

Into a life of blessings bleeding over

Coloring the tidy whiteness I once held so dear

Messy and uncomfortable, but I had nothing to fear

For it’s when we come to the end of ourselves, 

Of our knowledge, understanding, idols on shelves

That we find life that is Christ, we finally behold

Called to store up treasure in the currency of souls

We must be willing to burst our safe bubbles

To step into the lives of others filled with troubles.

To invest in the city comes at great cost

But the heart of Christ seeks after the lost

So Lord Jesus, keep making in me 

A relentless pursuit of eternity

 


This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October called, 31 Ways God Paved the Road to Urban Missions. If you’re interested in the reading the rest of the series, you can find it here. To receive these posts directly in your inbox every week, subscribe below!

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In Write 31 Days Tags Real Church, Poetry, City Life
← ministry is messy /or/ life mirrors the gospelthe city needs me /or/ pride and privilege →

HELLO!


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I'm Jacqui, the mom behind the camera. Wife of one + momma to five. Writer + speaker. Unqualified philosopher + theologian. Accidental mentor. Chaos manager. Lover of coffee + wine, perspective, and Jesus. Truth teller. Freedom fighter. Worth affirmer. Wanna-be author + world changer. Occasional cusser. Laundry piler. Emoji enthusiast. It's nice to meet you!

I hope you'll stay awhile and take a look at life through my lens, as I seek to find joy in the mess and walk with God through the beauty of everyday life.

 

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Today was decent. 💜🎂🎉
Today was decent. 💜🎂🎉
This is good news,
because I am equal parts 
Target and tragedy,
self-loathing and inspired,
elated and sullen,
justice-centric and self-centered,
compassionate and sarcastic,
privileged and poor,
doom-and-gloom and naive optimism,
Jesus-loving and truth-avoiding,
passionate and passive,
faithful and full of doubt,
confident and terrified,
judgmental and merciful,
arrogant and humble,
spinach salad lunch and fried chicken dinner.
I am everything and nothing all at once.
I am not who I am all the time.
I am just me.
.
.
.
Side note: I found this quote from the Invisibilia podcast on last years calendar.
Related: 1) Apparently, I started taking notes on calendars around May of last year. That habit is still going strong. 2) If you’ve never listened to the Invisibilia podcast, check it out! 🤓💖
This is good news, because I am equal parts Target and tragedy, self-loathing and inspired, elated and sullen, justice-centric and self-centered, compassionate and sarcastic, privileged and poor, doom-and-gloom and naive optimism, Jesus-loving and truth-avoiding, passionate and passive, faithful and full of doubt, confident and terrified, judgmental and merciful, arrogant and humble, spinach salad lunch and fried chicken dinner. I am everything and nothing all at once. I am not who I am all the time. I am just me. . . . Side note: I found this quote from the Invisibilia podcast on last years calendar. Related: 1) Apparently, I started taking notes on calendars around May of last year. That habit is still going strong. 2) If you’ve never listened to the Invisibilia podcast, check it out! 🤓💖
“Every time I have set out to translate the book (or story, or hopelessly long essay) that exists in such brilliant detail on the big screen of my limbic system onto a piece of paper (which, let’s face it, was once a towering tree crowned with leaves and a home to birds), I grieve for my own lack of talent and intelligence. Every. Single. Time. Were I smarter, more gifted, I could pin down a closer facsimile of the wonders I see. I believe, more than anything, that this grief of constantly having to face down our own inadequacies is what keeps people from being writers. Forgiveness, therefore, is key. I can’t write the book I want to write, but I can and will write the book I am capable of writing. Again and again throughout the course of my life I will forgive myself.” ✨
.
—Ann Patchett, This is the Story of a Happy Marriage
“Every time I have set out to translate the book (or story, or hopelessly long essay) that exists in such brilliant detail on the big screen of my limbic system onto a piece of paper (which, let’s face it, was once a towering tree crowned with leaves and a home to birds), I grieve for my own lack of talent and intelligence. Every. Single. Time. Were I smarter, more gifted, I could pin down a closer facsimile of the wonders I see. I believe, more than anything, that this grief of constantly having to face down our own inadequacies is what keeps people from being writers. Forgiveness, therefore, is key. I can’t write the book I want to write, but I can and will write the book I am capable of writing. Again and again throughout the course of my life I will forgive myself.” ✨ . —Ann Patchett, This is the Story of a Happy Marriage
This Monday felt Monday-er than most. Anyone else? When the alarm goes off, sometimes I just cannot believe it’s morning already... So for our #MondayMorningPoll today: Are you a chronic snooze-pusher, or do you tend to hop right out of bed in the morning? Vote in my stories ⬆️! Which one do you think describes most people? 🧐😴⤵️
This Monday felt Monday-er than most. Anyone else? When the alarm goes off, sometimes I just cannot believe it’s morning already... So for our #MondayMorningPoll today: Are you a chronic snooze-pusher, or do you tend to hop right out of bed in the morning? Vote in my stories ⬆️! Which one do you think describes most people? 🧐😴⤵️
Today was hard but redeemable. Doesn’t that make for the best kind of story? 💝
Today was hard but redeemable. Doesn’t that make for the best kind of story? 💝
Tastes like Spring. ✨🍦🍥
Tastes like Spring. ✨🍦🍥
Spring embodies the very nature of hope. Regardless of how many dark, frigid, lonely months are spent watching, waiting, and longing, Spring never fails to show up. When you start to believe winter will last forever, that this year, Spring just might fail to come, she finally arrives. She’s never in a hurry. After all, what would hope be without great anticipation? She comes, not necessarily with warmth or sunshine or fanfare, but always with the steadfast evidence of resurrection in small and humble places. Do you see it? 🌿
Spring embodies the very nature of hope. Regardless of how many dark, frigid, lonely months are spent watching, waiting, and longing, Spring never fails to show up. When you start to believe winter will last forever, that this year, Spring just might fail to come, she finally arrives. She’s never in a hurry. After all, what would hope be without great anticipation? She comes, not necessarily with warmth or sunshine or fanfare, but always with the steadfast evidence of resurrection in small and humble places. Do you see it? 🌿
Really, I would love to hear your comments. What is the single biggest barrier between you and being present?
.
Is it because you’re...
Distracted
Too busy
Overwhelmed
Numbing pain
Unhappy
Disappointed 
Jealous
Dissatisfied
Not enough
Addicted
...Or something else?
.
No judgement here. 🤗 TIA!
Really, I would love to hear your comments. What is the single biggest barrier between you and being present? . Is it because you’re... Distracted Too busy Overwhelmed Numbing pain Unhappy Disappointed Jealous Dissatisfied Not enough Addicted ...Or something else? . No judgement here. 🤗 TIA!
I saw a meme the other day that said, “So, are we not doing Spring?” 🙌🏻😂
.
“Spring” couldn’t be further away from anything resembling rainbows and sunshine at the moment, which brings me to our #MondayMorningPoll: Is it hard for you to live in the present—to truly sit with the way things ARE at this very moment (not how you wish they would be or think they should be)—or does that come easily to you? I find being present in the present to be one of the most difficult tasks. I’m so often a master of distraction. What about you? Do you spend most of your mental/emotional time in the present or somewhere else (past/future/distracted)? Vote in my stories ⬆️ and/or comment below ⬇️!
I saw a meme the other day that said, “So, are we not doing Spring?” 🙌🏻😂 . “Spring” couldn’t be further away from anything resembling rainbows and sunshine at the moment, which brings me to our #MondayMorningPoll: Is it hard for you to live in the present—to truly sit with the way things ARE at this very moment (not how you wish they would be or think they should be)—or does that come easily to you? I find being present in the present to be one of the most difficult tasks. I’m so often a master of distraction. What about you? Do you spend most of your mental/emotional time in the present or somewhere else (past/future/distracted)? Vote in my stories ⬆️ and/or comment below ⬇️!
Sunday.✨
Sunday.✨
 

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