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Meeting God in the mundane + Finding grace in the mess

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What You Think About Mornings Could Affect Your Entire Day

March 27, 2017 Jacqui
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Mornings. Ugh.

You know the drill...

Beep beep beep beep beep!

Flops blanket aside, lumbers over to alarm clock, slaps the snooze button. Stumbles back to bed for a heavenly 10 minutes, or 9 minutes if the snooze is on your phone. Why do phones cheat you out of that minute, by the way?

Beep beep beep beep beep!

Repeat….

Regardless of the time I set my alarm, every morning I wake up...late, and I have for as long as I can remember. Mornings and I have never been friends.

In high school I would push the snooze button until the last possible moment, which of course left me with no time for breakfast and barely enough time to fix my hair and brush my teeth before the bus came flying up the road. Grabbing my backpack in a state of panic, I would run out the door and catch the bus on its way back from the cul-de-sac.

It was the mid-90’s, and the zippers on my JanSport bag were adorned with a handful of “cool” keychains and other knick-knacks. Because my backpack was heavy with books (I was voted “most studious” by my senior class, which I translated to mean “biggest nerd.” Thanks, guys.) and due to the fact that the double zipper was weighted with teenage expressions of individuality, my backpack would slowly unzip with each pounding step I ran toward the bus.

On more than one occasion, I made it halfway up the driveway only to have the contents of my stuffed bag come falling out behind me, papers taking flight on the wind, entertaining the audience on the yellow bus as I scurried around trying to collect my things. The bus driver was not amused, however. I don’t think she was a morning person either.

Not much has changed since then, except I don’t ride the bus anymore.

The problem is I’m not in my right mind in the morning. Its like I’m drunk on sleep -- a snooze-aholic, if you will -- because no matter how disciplined I felt when I went to bed, how many great plans I laid out for the morning, the length of my to-do list before the children went to school, it’s all out the window when the alarm sounds and the snooze button calls my name.

It doesn’t matter what logical, night-self says to morning-self, because come dawn, morning-self WILL NOT LISTEN. She has her snooze button on and she cannot hear you, night voice of reason. She will certainly regret not listening to you, again, once she peels her eyes open and stumbles out of bed to find herself hopelessly behind and frazzled, but not until that point.

It doesn’t mean I don’t long to be a morning person and wake up with my stuff together. I’ve tried so many things over the years -- turning off the alarm instead of pushing snooze, putting my alarm on the other side of the room or in the bathroom. Nothing has worked.

But it dawned on me the other day that I dread mornings. I hate the alarm clock and wish to God that I could sleep a little longer. Just a few more minutes. Probably because I didn’t make a good choice and go to bed at a decent hour. Or maybe I didn’t sleep very well, because….five children. Sick children. Teething children. Snoring husbands. Head colds. You name it. So I dread mornings.

The last thought in my mind before I drift from exhaustion to sleep is something along the lines of, “if I fall asleep in the next ten minutes, I will get exactly 6.5 hours of sleep. Here’s hoping that’s enough.”

Never do I go to bed with a thought of expectancy about next day. Never do I think about the positives of waking up, such as taking a hot shower, some time as a family before we all go our separate ways, or a fresh, warm cup of coffee. Or things like working out, writing, or getting housework out of the way, you know, if I was a much more organized and productive person. Instead, I dread mornings.

And I realized today that regardless of the strategies I’ve employed over the years, they were all destined to fail before I even plugged the ominous sleep deadline into the clock. I have never owned my morning: the morning has always owned me. It’s always been something that happened to me….and I hated morning for it.

This is the day the Lord has made.

   We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

By His grace, my prayer is that I will learn to replace my grumblings, especially first thing in the morning, with gratitude. That I will have the wherewithal in the dark, wee hours of the morning to be thankful for a new day, a chance to begin again, and for mercies as fresh as the new fallen snow.

Maybe, like me, you find yourself a victim of your own life. Maybe you’ve allowed circumstance to control you, situations to manipulate you, and your emotions to be tossed about as waves in the sea. One of the many things I love about Jesus is that He’s not like that, prone to our human wandering and folly. He is the constant in the chaos, the calm in the storm. I love that He can walk on water, because when it feels like we’re drowning, He’s more than capable of rescuing us.

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The Good Shepherd and the Sheep Who Need Him: A Sermon on Psalm 23:2

March 15, 2017 Jacqui
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I had the privilege of preaching at church this past Sunday {3/12/17} on Psalm 23:2 as part of a six week series on Psalm 23. I included the sermon in its entirety below for those who wished to have it to reference, and for the first time, I also included an audio recording if you'd prefer to "hear" me instead! I know I don't have short thoughts, but my sermon was the equivalent of a seven-page paper. Much admiration for the good pastors among us who do this crazy thing EVERY WEEK!

Also, please disregard the coughing attack a few minutes in--the Murphy's Law of public speaking states that while you never experience a tickle in your throat on a normal day, it will most definitely happen when you are standing in front of a room full of people. Bless it, Jesus. 

Psalm 23

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever. 

 

Good morning! Today we will be talking about verse 2: He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters

The first time I read that verse I immediately thought of our bedtime routine. I spend most of my time in the realm of motherhood, so that tends to be the lens through which I often view life.

How many of you have had the privilege, and I use that word loosely, of putting children to bed? Whether they’re yours or someone else's? And how many of you had a very different idea of what that process would look like before you actually became parents?

Before we had children, I thought bedtime would be this magical experience. We’d give them a bath every night and swaddle them up in their lavender-scented goodness, read them stories by the fireplace, and rock them to sleep. Then we’d lay them down and gaze upon their angelic faces, praying over them as they breathed easy in sweet sleep. And maybe when they got older, we’d snuggle with them in bed and talk about their thoughts and fears, their hopes and dreams.

But that was back before I had an ounce of experience with the sanctifying journey of parenting. I didn’t realize how much work a little baby or two {or five} would require and how utterly exhausted you would be at the end of the day. That the time spent nursing an infant alone was the equivalent of a full-time job or that you’d be so tired you literally wouldn't be able to see straight. How sometimes all you could do was count down the minutes until bedtime, your only major accomplishment for the day being simply, “we all survived.”

And while things have changed over the years as our kids have grown up, I wouldn’t say that bedtime has gotten any easier. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but believe it or not, most of the time my kids don’t actually want to lie down and go to sleep. Because, what fun is that? As a parent, however, it’s my job to make them, whether they want to or not. Now, I don’t know what bedtime is like at your house, and maybe some of you are sweet families and your bedtime routine is all love and cuddles, but we tend to be more of a spicy family, and ours is...not.

Think less kumbaya and more chaos, like Chuck-E-Cheese. Think lots of noise and yelling, loud music, lights on, running and wrestling, which might be fun if it wasn’t bedtime. Either Ben or I (or both) will follow them all upstairs and begin the process of putting them to bed. But getting them into the actual bed is only half the battle--we then need to keep them there, which, speaking of Chuck-E-Cheese, is a lot like a game of Whack-A-Mole.

Just imagine with me for a moment: all the little moles are lying quietly in their holes. But then you put the quarter in and you pick up your whapper, because you know the game is on now and any second one of them will be popping out of their bed for something. The little one usually pops up first, telling me she’s afraid sharks are going to get her in her sleep again, and we have this whole thing we talk through: sharks only live in the ocean, and is there an ocean here in your room? No... Sharks can only live in water, so even if one somehow managed to end up on your bedroom floor, they would die. And don’t worry, the ocean is 10 hours away and all the sharks at the zoo are stuck in a tank and can’t hurt anyone. Whap.

But it isn’t ever just sharks. The kids get scared if every single light in the hallway and bathroom aren’t on and if they happen to see a strange shadow on their wall. They get anxious about tests they need to take in the morning and worry that I’m going to forget to sign the paper they need to turn in.

The next mole is the little boy tattling on his brother because he’s pulling his blanket down from the top bunk and calling him names and won’t let him go to sleep. Then he’s stealing his stuffed animals and taunting him with them, refusing to give them back. Whap! Oh, and by the way, he’s still hungry and is telling me now that his teeth are brushed and he’s already tucked in bed, and his sister needs to go back downstairs to get her water bottle because she’s thirsty. Whap and whap.

Then sometimes there’s the issue of spiders crawling on the ceiling, flies and mosquitos buzzing about in the summer, or the dog jumping all over them or chewing up their stuff, so they can’t fall asleep.

For them to actually be able to lie down in bed and fall asleep at a decent hour, it usually requires Ben to stay up there for a while. They seem more content when they can see him, when they’re aware of his presence. Otherwise they’ll be up there making a ruckus and giving each other a hard time for hours. But when Ben is there, they not only lie down, but they eventually fall asleep.

Charlie talked a little bit about the nature of sheep last week, how they’re anxious, fearful, skittish, relatively stupid, and followers. I don’t know about you, but personally, I don’t have a lot of experience with sheep. I grew up in probably what you'd call the country compared to Cleveland, and we did have ducks, cats, dogs, and horses at one point. But no sheep. My guess is most of you don’t have much experience with sheep, either.

As I was preparing for today, I read the book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23. The author, Phillip Keller, was a shepherd for a time, and I appreciated his insight and experiences. He’s going to help us learn a little bit about the nature of sheep and the role of the Shepherd today.

Keller says that because of their very make-up, it’s almost impossible for sheep to be made to lie down unless four requirements are met:

  • Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free of all fear. “Mommy, the shark is going to eat me.”

  • Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free from friction with others of their kind. “Mommy, he’s messing with me.”

  • Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free of pests so they can relax. “Mommy, I hear a fly buzzing.”

  • Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free from hunger. “Mommy, I need a snack.”

Well, as it turns out, children, and people in general, are more like sheep than we may have thought. In order for the sheep to be at rest, there must be a definite sense of freedom from fear, tension, aggravations, and hunger. Also, it is ONLY the Shepherd himself who can provide release from these anxieties.

As we talk about each of these aspects, you’ll begin to understand why the role the Shepherd plays in their management is so important. It is the Shepherd who makes it possible for the sheep to lie down, to rest, relax, be content, and flourish.

Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free of all fear.

I didn’t know this, but apparently sheep are so timid and easily panicked that even a stray rabbit bounding from a bush can stampede the whole flock. When one startled sheep runs in fright, a dozen others will bolt with it in blind fear, not waiting to see what frightened them. Now, if that doesn’t sound like our modern American culture, I don’t know what does. It seems like every day, there’s a new “threat,” perceived or real, which has the public clamoring in fear or rising up against the latest trending offense.

It’s the “unknown” and “unexpected” that produce the greatest panic, and our first impulse is to get up and run or otherwise attempt to insulate ourselves from harm. And we seem to be afraid of a lot of things, much like my kids are as we tuck them in at night. Keller mentions that there was a noticeable difference in the temperament of his sheep when he nearby. When the sheep could see him, when he was out in the field standing among them, a calmness and contentment would come over the flock. They knew their Shepherd was present, that He would watch over them and protect them from all harm, whether it was a predator looking to eat them or a rabbit in the bush.

Just like mom or dad being in the next room quiets any lingering fears of a shark attack, there is nothing like Christ’s presence to dispel fear. Even when life seems chaotic, things are falling apart, you’re completely overwhelmed, or nothing is going how you thought it would, God has things under control. The Holy Spirit reminds us that Christ Himself is aware of our dilemma and is deeply involved right there with us.

Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free from friction with others of their kind.

Tension, rivalry, cruel competition naturally exist in a flock of sheep as much as they do in our homes and culture at large. But when we are busy clamoring for status and self-assertion, we are creating a friction that makes it impossible to lie down and rest in contentment because we always have to be at the ready to fight and defend ourselves. In any human organization or group, there is a struggle for status, a fight to be “top sheep,” if you will, and social media is no exception.

Like Charlie said last week, sheep are followers, and the online verbiage is an excellent reflection of that. We literally “follow” people on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We follow blogs, we follow the lives of celebrities. We follow the latest hipster eating trend and exercise fad. We clamor for likes and shares and digital groupies who virtually follow us wherever we go. We get jealous when Sally’s posts are getting a lot of attention and ours, not so much. We long to be like Julie who has ten thousand followers.

You guys, we don’t even need to be in the same room with each other any more to experience friction, competition, and jealousy. But when you are in the same room, it happens there, too. My kids boss each other around, call names, and irritate each other when they’re supposed to be resting, and we all do the same thing in our homes, workplaces, and even at church. Keller made an interesting observation about his flock: the less aggressive sheep were far more contented, quiet and restful. Those “bottom sheep” know that they belong to the Shepherd, and that’s enough.

With all the mommy wars and parent shaming and opinions about the right way to raise children {or anything else} these days, we could really use some more bottom sheep, couldn’t we? And the presence of the Shepherd does just that: it puts an end to the rivalry. When our eyes are on the Shepherd they are not on those around us, and that my friends, is the place of peace and rest. To be close to God is to be set free from fear of people and what they may think of us. The shepherd’s presence makes all the difference.

Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free of pests so they can relax.

Sheep can be driven to absolute distraction by flies and ticks, especially in the summer. When they’re being tormented by pests, it’s impossible for them to relax and lie down. There are many small irritations and annoyances that “bug” us humans in life, but one thing that comes to mind is cell phones.

I read an article recently titled Why We Can’t Look Away From Our Screens, and it stated that while substance addictions are nothing new, there a phenomenon of behavioral addictions. People are spending nearly three hours a day tethered to their cell phones, teens spend weeks alone in their rooms playing video games, and Snapchat users open their app more than 18x a day. A 2011 study suggested that 41% of people have a behavioral addiction, and that number is surely higher today with newer and more addictive social networking platforms.

Our phones are constantly in our hands, clipped to our sides, in our pockets or purses, and one survey said 60% of us keep them next to us as we sleep. I’m guilty of that because my phone is my alarm clock. In another survey, half the respondents claimed they check their emails during the night. These devices are constantly dinging, beeping, alerting, reminding, and generally pestering us all day, and sometimes even all night, long.

We’re a society that’s constantly plugged in, blankly staring at the screen in our palm instead of engaging with the people and life happening around us. But we are almost constantly engaging in the virtual lives of others. And not engaging in a way that fosters mutual respect and understanding, the sharing of stories and experiences complete with empathetic social cues and a compassionate hand on the shoulder--that would require an interaction with a human, not a screen. What we’re doing online is sharing data and information, which ultimately leads to comparison.

Because for the most part, we share the good stuff online, right? And so now, not only is the phone itself pestering you throughout the day, but the unrealistic expectations you’ve gleaned from it and placed upon yourself are now, too. Spend any amount of time on Pinterest and you’ll quickly realize that the birthday parties you throw for your children are pathetic, your kitchen looks like it crawled out of the 80’s and needs completely redone, your wardrobe is in desperate need of a facelift, and apparently, so are you.

So how are we to rest with all these distractions and expectations incessantly buzzing around us? That’s again where the Shepherd comes in. He’s willing to do the work to free us from the pests that plague us, the question is, are we willing to let Him? Are we willing to be present enough to see Him among us, to notice Him working on our behalf?

It’s the humble heart walking quietly and contentedly in the close and intimate companionship of Christ that is at rest, that can relax, simply glad to lie down and let the world go by. We need time spent with Him in the Word and in prayer and quiet moments of contemplation when the space between our head and our heart isn’t buffered by a screen, where the Shepherd can intercede with His healing presence and tend to our souls. He can right our perspective and help us see the nagging pull of the world for what it is, allowing us to lie down in green pastures.

Are you seeing the pattern here? The presence of the Shepherd makes all the difference.

Sheep will refuse to lie down unless they are free from hunger.

Sheep tend to flourish best in areas of the world that are dry, but green pastures do not naturally thrive there. Green pastures do not happen by chance but rather by the diligent labor, time, and skill of the Shepherd. If His sheep are to enjoy green pastures amid a brown wasteland, then He has a tremendous job to do.

And I thought, that’s just like God, isn’t it? Because if I were in charge, I would be like, why don’t we just tweak those sheep a little bit before we create them and help them thrive in, say, the lush green rainforest instead? Wouldn’t that be easier? Why make things so backward and difficult? But God is in the business of making something out of nothing. That’s what He does.

Unfortunately, we can be a short-sighted and stupid people who often prefer to feed on the barren ground of the world around us. A hungry, ill-fed sheep is ever on its feet and on the move, ever in search of another scanty mouthful of food to satisfy its gnawing hunger. Such sheep are not content, do not thrive, and are of no use to themselves or their master. Friends, that’s not the life that God wants for us, because there’s no freedom there.

Because of what Christ did for us on the cross and His unrelenting effort on our behalf, we have access to the green pastures of victory and freedom. He takes a good-for-nothing wasteland and turns it into lush green space that sustains and nourishes His sheep. He takes ordinary, dry, withered, malnourished people, and with careful, intentional labor on their behalf, clears away all the dead brush, plants seeds of hope and breathes into them new life. Again, the presence of the Shepherd makes all the difference.

He leads me beside quiet waters.

Sheep and humans are made up of mostly water, and water is necessary to maintain normal bodily functions. The daily intake of water is essential to health and overall well-being. It’s important to note that, again, it’s only the Shepherd who knows where the best drinking places can be found.

When sheep are thirsty, they will seek out a water source. If not led to water supplies of clean, pure water, they will often end up drinking from polluted pot holes where they acquire diseases. In the same way, our thirsty souls can only be fully satisfied when drawing upon Christ.

The problem is, although we’re all created with a “thirst” for God, we don’t really know where to look or really what we’re looking for, and so we drink from any dirty pool in an attempt to satisfy our thirst for fulfillment. Enter the world and all it’s futile pursuits, which promise life and happiness on the front end but leave you with nothing but broken lives, shattered hopes, and parched souls.

Phillip Keller writes, Amid all the chaos of a confused, sick society, Christ comes quietly and invites us to come to him. He invites us to follow Him, to put our confidence in Him, for only He knows how we can be satisfied. He knows the human heart, the human personality, the human soul with its amazing capacity for God can never be satisfied with a substitute. Only the Spirit and life of Christ Himself will satisfy the thirsting soul.

At this point, you probably have a pretty good idea of the differences between the sheep and the Shepherd. The Shepherd walks upright on two legs and is responsible for the wellbeing and survival of His entire flock. The degree to which they thrive and are satisfied rests entirely on Him. The sheep walk around on all fours, nibble grass, and are anxious, skittish, and generally unintelligent. Left to their own devices, they would quarrel amongst themselves, wander off, feast on dead brush, drink out of dirty puddles, and be eaten by whatever predator came along.

With that in mind, it’s preposterous to think, even for a second, that a sheep could ever be the Shepherd. I mean, how ridiculous is that? And yet, how many of us try to be the Shepherd of our own lives? Of the handful of important lessons I’ve learned in my life, probably the most important one is there a God, and I am not He. The second one is, man, I really need Him. Every day.

But we’re human, and though our need for a Shepherd is easy to forget, just remember God knows the nature of His sheep. He knows exactly what we need, even if life doesn’t make sense to us at the time. He’s gone before us and cleared a way. He’s prepared lush fields of freedom for us, but He doesn’t make us lie down in the way I originally thought.

He’s not the exhausted parent knee-deep in tantrums and disobedience who just wants the children to finally lay down and go to sleep, for the love. He’s not the dictator parent who makes you lie down and sleep or else, but He’s the Shepherd who, through hard, loving work, creates the conditions in which we are not only able to lie down and rest but joyfully willing to do so. Everything He does is for the good of His sheep.

He leads us by clean, pure water for a much needed drink for our parched, world-weathered souls. The presence of the Shepherd makes all the difference, and regardless of the dirty pools you may have stopped at along the way, it’s never too late to get up and follow Him.

In Devotionals, Motherhood, Surrender Tags Pslams, Sermons, Audio
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Lenten Reflections // Power, Pride, and Privilege

March 3, 2017 Jacqui
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That was a turnaround for many of the Jews who were with Mary. They saw what Jesus did, and believed in him. But some went back to the Pharisees and told on Jesus. The high priests and Pharisees called a meeting of the Jewish ruling body. “What do we do now?” they asked. “This man keeps on doing things, creating God-signs. If we let him go on, pretty soon everyone will be believing in him and the Romans will come and remove what little power and privilege we still have.”
Then one of them—it was Caiaphas, the designated Chief Priest that year—spoke up, “Don’t you know anything? Can’t you see that it’s to our advantage that one man dies for the people rather than the whole nation be destroyed?” He didn’t say this of his own accord, but as Chief Priest that year he unwittingly prophesied that Jesus was about to die sacrificially for the nation, and not only for the nation but so that all God’s exile-scattered children might be gathered together into one people.
 From that day on, they plotted to kill him. {John 11:45-53}

Jesus had just performed a foreshadowing miracle--He raised Lazarus from the dead, and it set in motion a series of events that culminated in His crucifixion. 

I was struck by one line as I was reading through this passage today: If we let him go on, pretty soon everyone will be believing in him and the Romans will come and remove what little power and privilege we still have.

They were threatened by Jesus and His message. They feared loosing their place in society, their power over the people, and their position of privilege. The Pharisees spent their lives preening their outside appearance--walking examples of pristine rule-keeping and legalistic living--as they tried to earn salvation by obeying the Law. But Jesus threatened to tear all that down, recklessly offering life and freedom to anyone who believed.

And so, they labeled Him. 

Blasphemous.

Dangerous.

Ruinous to their standing in society.

And they determined He must go. It was either Him or all of them, and clearly, it works out well for the Pharisees if one mere man is destroyed to preserve life as they know it. 

Power, pride, and privilege: these qualities are blinding. Like thick, ill-fitting lenses, they distort the way we see life, the world, and more importantly, other people. The view makes us feel bigger and more important than we really are, inflates our self-interest, and cultivates a fear of losing the advantage we perceive ourselves to have. And so we distance and label. After all, if we deem something or someone dangerous or a scourge on society, it's much easier to sacrifice them "for the greater good." 

And I found myself thinking, in what ways do I take steps to protect my own sense of power, pride, and privilege? Because whenever we're busy protecting our own advantage, it's always to the disadvantage of someone else. 

How do I label my kids after I've had a long day and am counting down the minutes until bedtime?

How do I label my husband when he hasn't gotten around to doing something I asked him to?

How do I label the neighbors when they're noisy, or the kids when they're crazy after school?

How do I label the person who cut me off in the car line or the teacher who sent the cranky email?

How do I label the different, the homeless, the addicted, the refugee....the "other?"

Because what Jesus will show us in these days leading up to Easter is that it's impossible to protect our own power, pride, and privilege and simultaneously follow Him. He will show us that the only way to life and freedom, though it may be painful and cost us everything, is to lay it all down.

The ground is level at the foot of the cross. And the power and privilege? It rightfully belongs to Him.

In Devotionals Tags Lent
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Twenty Minutes a Day

February 27, 2017 Jacqui
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“Hey, kids! Time to pick up your rooms!” I holler up the stairs. Predictably, the request is met with groans and complaints.

It’s Friday, and on the heels of a busy week, especially a night with no homework or other school responsibilities, I’m sure cleaning bedrooms is the last thing they want to do. But there’s one caveat.

“I’m setting the timer for 20 minutes. Pick up as much as you can in that time and we’ll be done for the day.”

The whining dies down as they scurry to work, eagerly anticipating the rhythmic beeping that signals their freedom, because one can do pretty much anything for just 20 minutes.

With 5 children and a puppy, our house is in a fairly constant state of disarray, and I can tolerate it most of the time. I don't know about you, but I tend to be an all or nothing kinda gal. When the disaster is extreme, I get overwhelmed, and, not even knowing where to start, completely shut down and do nothing. Other times, as if some invisible threshold has been crossed, I snap into full-blown type A mode and demand order like a 5-star general before we move onto anything else.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve crawled around on their bedroom floors, literally digging my way through a dumpster’s worth of toys, clothes and garbage. Sometimes it’s so bad we need an entire morning to unearth the carpet. I don’t like the feelings of frustration, discouragement, and overwhelm that accompany those situations, and although I’m far from an organized or disciplined person, I knew there had to be a better way....

***I'm at Kindred Mom today talking about how we can take hold of everything from our daily tasks at home to our God-sized dreams, one 20 minute chunk at a time. Head on over to read the rest of my first guest blog post! Click here!***

In Motherhood Tags Parenting, Motherhood
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For when you suck at managing a home

February 2, 2017 Jacqui
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“Now, I don’t want you to feel bad about this, but you’re not very good about asking for help. Like, instead of just cancelling an appointment, for example, remember you have an army of people who could help with the kids so you can keep your commitments.”

I had just told him I don’t know how other people do it -- life, that is -- without constantly feeling like they're drowning. Because I do. All the time. There’s clutter on the floor and any flat surface, laundry piled on the couch, and a sink overflowing with dishes, not to mention the list of neglected phone calls that would rival the very List of Santa himself.

“For some reason, you tend to function as if you have to do it all, and you don’t! You need to somehow figure out how to delegate things and manage your environment.”

Yes… I thought. That’s it.

Good, freeing tears welled up in my eyes as the truth cut straight to my heart. “You’re totally right, and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Instead of asking for help, I run around like a crazy woman trying to do everything myself, and not only does nothing get done, but no one wants to be around me because I’m stressed. Instead of commanding my environment, I let it control me.”

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When we manage our environment, we turn stress into rest by commanding our surroundings instead of letting them control us. But sometimes it feels impossible to do so...

I realized I’d been a victim of my own life for the past year as I struggled to manage a household of seven, a new puppy, and an unrelenting case of postpartum depression. Often overwhelmed and underwater, I allowed my environment, with the eager aid of imbalanced hormones, to make a puppet out of my emotional health. Depression blinds you to the life it slowly skims from the till, leaving you wholly unaware of the richness stolen until you wake up one day, bankrupt.

Once the cloud finally begins to lift, you can see how far depression actually dragged you from your true self, how it made a jack-o-lantern of you, gradually hollowing out the interior and leaving you with a stupid, fake grin, yet completely empty inside. But pumpkins are seasonal, like anything else under the sun, and there will be a time for it to die and for something new to grow in its place.

We have the bar set pretty low around here, but now that it’s February, we decided to pack Christmas up and put the tree away. With over a week to spare before the next official holiday, I call that a win. Even though spring is still a ways away, I can feel change blowing in on the wind. The sun is brighter, the air more fresh. Birds are trickling back into town, and before we know it, there will be other evidence of new life all around us.

Joy comes with the morning much like winter yields spring, and the pumpkins won’t keep forever. For all of you fake-grinners, I pray that your cloud begins to lift today. And even if it doesn’t, I pray the Lord will hold and sustain you until a tomorrow dawns with the new life of spring.

In Depression Tags Postpartum Depression, Depression, Rest
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HELLO!


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I'm Jacqui, the mom behind the camera. Wife of one + momma to five. Writer + speaker. Unqualified philosopher + theologian. Accidental mentor. Chaos manager. Lover of coffee + wine, perspective, and Jesus. Truth teller. Freedom fighter. Worth affirmer. Wanna-be author + world changer. Laundry piler. Emoji enthusiast. It's nice to meet you!

I hope you'll stay awhile and take a look at life through my lens, as I seek to find joy in the mess and walk with God through the beauty of everyday life.

 

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That last-week-of-school hustle is reeeeaaal. 😩👊🏻😴
That last-week-of-school hustle is reeeeaaal. 😩👊🏻😴
Oh haaay, summer, haaay!! ✨😎 It’s almost 90 degrees with a breeze here in CLE, & we’re not minding one little bit. We just got back from a Target run, as one does on a Saturday. 🎯 I swept yesterday’s chalk dust and all the hel
Oh haaay, summer, haaay!! ✨😎 It’s almost 90 degrees with a breeze here in CLE, & we’re not minding one little bit. We just got back from a Target run, as one does on a Saturday. 🎯 I swept yesterday’s chalk dust and all the helicopters off the porch (as far as propagating strategies go, this is a very good one. Those suckers are EVERYWHERE!), and now I’m watching my little corner of the world go by from my second-hand rocking chair on the porch, iced coffee in hand. And it’s so, so good to be right here. In this moment, in this place: the wind tugging at my hair, the kids arguing about something in the backyard, the wind chimes next door, the dogs sunning themselves at my feet. These are the days. This is the abundant life. And I wouldn’t trade it for the whole wide world. My corner is enough.
I used to think the old woman who lived in a shoe was nuts. I mean, why in the world would you choose live in a shoe? With all those kids?? 😱 And withholding the bread? Straight up neglect. Some versions say she kissed them fondly, but we all know t
I used to think the old woman who lived in a shoe was nuts. I mean, why in the world would you choose live in a shoe? With all those kids?? 😱 And withholding the bread? Straight up neglect. Some versions say she kissed them fondly, but we all know that mean broad spanked the daylights out of them before sending them straight to bed. Then I became a parent. Life has a way of waking you up to realities that are literally impossible to understand until you’re completely immersed in the incessant demands of a sacrificial season, or in some cases, a sacrificial existence. And you can fathom now how life can wear a person down to a shell of who they were, how one unfortunate circumstance can tragically alter a trajectory. And you finally realize that no one chooses to live in a shoe. A shoe is where you live when you have no choices, when you’re out of options, when it’s either a shoe or the streets. She had so many children she didn’t know what to do—so many mouths to feed every day. If broth and bread is all she could afford, there might not have been enough to go around. She didn’t ration out of neglect but rather out of necessity. And she whipped them all soundly before she put them to bed because she didn’t have anything left. Because she’s an overwhelmed, exhausted single mom without a shred of a support system. She never gets a break. Carrying the weight of their survival solely on her weary shoulders, she beats them now so the police won’t later. She whoops them because she cares, and that’s the only way she ever learned how to show it. . ...and what you can see now is, she loves them.
Anyone else feel the pull to show up here every so often to say, “Hey! I’m still busy doing things! My life is still interesting! And it matters! And here’s why…” When I feel compelled or obligated to do something, for
Anyone else feel the pull to show up here every so often to say, “Hey! I’m still busy doing things! My life is still interesting! And it matters! And here’s why…” When I feel compelled or obligated to do something, for whatever reason, one of the best things I can do for myself, at least for a little while, is….don’t. Don’t log on. Don’t post for the heck of posting. Don’t force something that doesn’t want to come. And I let the silence begin to speak for itself. God speaks in a whisper, you know, but how often are we quiet enough to hear it? And how exactly did we arrive at the place where our worth was determined by the number of hearts tapped out on 2x2 squares? It sounds quite ridiculous when it’s all spelled out like that, doesn’t it?
This is how we showed up at church tonight—legit looking like maybe we just crawled out of a garbage dump. Or at least a construction zone. 🚧 It’s actually worse than it looks and literally the best I’ve got this week. Bless it. Al
This is how we showed up at church tonight—legit looking like maybe we just crawled out of a garbage dump. Or at least a construction zone. 🚧 It’s actually worse than it looks and literally the best I’ve got this week. Bless it. Also, the nursery worker made them wash hands before snack, so we’re good. What matters is that we showed up. On time, in fact, which is no small miracle in and of itself. . ✨All that is required of us is that we arrive as our truest selves. And today? We’re filthy. So, here’s a gentle reminder to you, fellow traveler: come dirty, come late, come ill-prepared or even irate. Come with a smile on your face, or come because you need some grace. Come stressed, come sweaty, come imperfect, even petty. Just come, in spite of your mess, and trust that God will take care of the rest. He always does. See for yourself. ➡️
These jokers are my favorite. 💖 #happymothersday
These jokers are my favorite. 💖 #happymothersday
‘Tis the season. 💜🌸 The only problem is choosing just one! 🤩 So I didn’t. 😬

Did you know that lilacs only bloom for 1-2 weeks a year? Kinda makes you wonder about humanity’s over-emphasis on “blooming”—always
‘Tis the season. 💜🌸 The only problem is choosing just one! 🤩 So I didn’t. 😬 Did you know that lilacs only bloom for 1-2 weeks a year? Kinda makes you wonder about humanity’s over-emphasis on “blooming”—always producing, striving, hustling, creating output. Even if we’re blooming where we’re planted, as the saying goes, it’s brief. Stunning, yes. Breathtaking, yes. Colorful, vibrant, full of life, yes please. But also short-lived. Temporary. Fleeting. Seasons are not only temporary but necessary. Don’t focus so much on the fruit that you miss the seasons of watching and waiting, of hunkering down when the landscape is barren and learning to weather the storms. These create the fertile soil in which flowers grow. 💜
*new headshot* 😬
*new headshot* 😬
Today is Good Friday, and it arrived exactly how I always picture it—the sky weeping, the earth soaked with tears. This is the inevitable darkness that must come before the morning, the necessary death which precedes resurrection. This heartbre
Today is Good Friday, and it arrived exactly how I always picture it—the sky weeping, the earth soaked with tears. This is the inevitable darkness that must come before the morning, the necessary death which precedes resurrection. This heartbreaking pattern of life is something my human heart always struggles to embrace as “the way.” Surely, there has to be another (less painful) avenue toward truth and life? . Selfishly, I want what we all think we want at the end of the day: a life of comfort and ease. We quickly realize, however, that comfort is fleeting and ease is overrated. With each excruciating step up the hill of Calvary, Jesus reminds us again: every good and perfect gift arrives on the other side of death. It is finished, forever and ever. Amen.
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
—Rumi
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. —Rumi
 

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