I pulled out of the parking lot and came to a stop at the light, the air quiet save for the rhythmic click of the right turn signal.
“Turn left here,” my husband says.
“Really? Because the only way I know how to get there is by turning right.”
“Just trust me. Turn left.”
“Okay, but I was going to turn right, and then make a left down the next street, and in a little while we’d come out by Walgreen’s, but I guess I’ll trust you and turn left.”
“Oh, this is you trusting me, huh?” He says with a chuckle.
“Yeah, well, I do trust you, but that’s the only way I know how to get there.”
The light turned green, and I turned left.
In hindsight this seems like a ridiculous conversation. My husband is way more directionally savvy than I am, and from past experience, I have absolutely no reason not to trust him. It is, however, a very revealing conversation. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, right? While a good social worker will tell you there’s a reason for every behavior, there’s also a heart condition behind the curtain of every conversation, and what this one tells me is I have an issue with trust, specifically regarding the unknown.
It hasn’t been the only red flag lately but one in a series of realizations that have given me eyes to see an underbelly of pride and fear I’d been blind to before: I’m afraid of the unknown, sometimes so much that it prevents me from listening and obeying, or at the very least, putting up a fight before I do so.
Most of humanity can probably relate, though. The fact is, the unknown is scary. Not being in control is scary. But it’s just like us humans to focus on what is being asked rather than whom is doing the asking. The reality is, God is fully aware we don’t know what’s going to happen next. He’s God, and we’re not. But God doesn’t ask us to focus on the unknown when choosing whether or not to obey. He asks us to focus on Him.
Do you trust Him?
I mean, do you really? What if He asks you to turn left, and the only road you're familiar with veers right? How much do you lean on your own understanding instead of the One who gave us the understanding we own?
These are some of the questions rolling around in my head this week. Maybe they are in yours now, too?
Holding tightly to anything that isn’t ours to cling to is ultimately a burden, and one that needs to be laid down, however begrudgingly, for us to live freely and lightly. For us to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. While we try to control and manage our surroundings, God invites us to come to Him and recover our lives, find rest for our souls, and live free.